We all know Armie Hammer got up to some freaky, controversial stuff behind closed doors — that may or may not have risen to the level of criminal. But you may be surprised to hear one of the most vanilla things he tried? Hooking up with a man!

On Sunday’s episode of his Armie HammerTime Podcast, the disgraced actor opened up about a steamy hookup he once had with another man! Speaking with mental health coach Dani Druz, he joked about how much easier gay men seem to have it than straight men. He told his guest:

“Women are the worst, like, gay dudes seem to have it so easy. Like, so easy.”

“Seem” being the operative word here, as he was really only a tourist. Joking about his own view of how effortless gay hookup culture is, he mused:

“I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up, and it’s Grindr and someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant, do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?’ And you’re like, ‘Hey guys I’ll be back in five minutes.’ And then you get up and you go to the bathroom and you get a blowjob and you come back and you’re like, ‘Some guy just sucked my d**k,’ and it’s like, ‘Who?’ ‘Oh, I don’t know I didn’t get his name. Anyway, what did you order?’”

However, that’s not exactly how easy things went in his own experience.

Reflecting on a hookup with a mystery French man, he recalled:

“I remember I met this dude — handsome, French — I was like okay, this could work, let’s try this. I remember I started making out with him and I just remember being like, ‘God, beards — I get why women like it when you shave. This thing is f**king rough, how do I get in there?’ And I remember I put my arms around him and I was like, ‘Oh my god these shoulders are so wide, he’s so big. He’s almost my height, this is so strange.’”

And with all that popping up his mind, we guess nothing really popped up in his pants! LOLz! He went on:

“And it did physically for me absolutely nothing. Like, not even a twitch. And I was just like, ‘Okay.’ And I remember we were making out and it was kind of getting hotter and heavier, but I was going through the motions and not feeling anything. And then he reached for my d**k, and I was like, ‘You’re not going to touch my flaccid penis. This is not going to happen, I’m sorry.’ I was like, ‘I’ve got to stop this here,’ and he was like, ‘No, no, no,’ and I was like, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah.’”

Wow! Well, we guess he gave it the ol’ college try. Can’t ask for more than that! But in the end, we suppose it’s lucky for all the hot gay guys out there, as they remained safe from his… other interests.